A Brute Beast Made Beautiful

Do you know the story of Beauty and Beast? The beast was a self-centered, unloving prince who had been cursed with a physical form that mirrored his ugly heart. It was only when he learned to be selfless and love Belle that he regained his handsome self again.

I, myself, am a brute beast. Ok, maybe not all the time, but I sure have been one more than I’d like to admit. I am an ugly crier. I can completely lose it and fall apart and my level-headed, analytical husband really doesn’t know what to do with me.

A few years ago I was having one of my low moments and was crying out at God. Really, I wanted to scream and cry and pummel something. After completely falling apart, my patient husband walked me to my room and put me to bed. After soaking my pillow with tears, then lying there exhausted, God’s still, small voice drew me up out of my stupor and I picked up His beautiful Word. I decided to spend some time in the Psalms.

I read chapter after chapter, soaking in the truths of God’s strength, His care, His trustworthiness, then I “stumbled upon” Psalm 73 and I my chin nearly hit the floor. Asaph spoke the words that I needed to hear. I could relate to what he said about himself. And, what he had to say about his (and my) God and His relationship to him (and me).

When my heart was grieved
    and my spirit embittered,
I was senseless and ignorant;
    I was a brute beast before you.

Yet I am always with you;
    you hold me by my right hand.
You guide me with your counsel,
    and afterward you will take me into glory.
Whom have I in heaven but you?
    And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
    but God is the strength of my heart
    and my portion forever.

-Psalm 73:21-26 NIV

That day was certainly not the last time that my heart was grieved and my spirit was embittered. Because of very difficult experiences over the past several months, I have been a brute beast before my family, and before my Father God. I have questioned everything, and even failed to trust God’s wisdom and care. “Do you know what you’re doing, God?” I have come to realize that when others fail me and when circumstances seem completely hopeless, even when my heart fails, my Father God will never fail me, I can hope in Him because He is worthy of my trust, and I am always on His eternally loving heart. He takes me by the hand when I’m crushed and brokenhearted and is able to heal and strengthen me in ways I never imagined. But, I have to be willing to be a brute beast before Him.

I am so thankful for a gracious God who is always with me and loves me. I am also thankful that He gave me His Word to show me that it’s Ok when I don’t perfectly trust Him and serve Him and have the pretty little Sunday School answers that fit my situation. God actually prefers me to come to Him honestly, raw and totally open. Because, truly, I can’t lie to Him any more than I can lie to myself. He sees me falling apart, but would prefer that I fall apart to Him rather than focus totally on myself.  Maybe the Lord doesn’t work the way I want Him to when I want Him to, but He does work on me.  And, I can trust that He DOES know what He’s doing. He is God and sees everything with an eternal perspective.

When I take my heart and mind off of myself and honestly turn to my loving God, this brute beast is made beautiful. But, unlike the fairy tale, it has nothing to do with what I do, but what He does in me. Oh, how I love Him!