Understanding and Loving Sisters Who Serve Overseas

Walking towards a group of women who look very different from me, do not speak my heart language, live with much less economically than I do, and have a different faith than I can be very stressful.

Walking into a room full of women who look similar to me, speak my heart language, have a similar or higher standard of living than me, and are followers of Jesus like me can be equally as stressful.

God has called me and other women to a way of life that is uncomfortable. We never quite fit in, except with each other. I’ve seen a bucket-load of articles about MKs and TCKs, but let me tell you, there are some similarities among women who have served long-term overseas.

We develop certain defense mechanisms and compartmentalize relationships and conversations. We struggle with identity, our place in this world, and living up to expectations. I personally have wrestled with expectations more than anything. Expectations of supervisors, churches, our sending agency, those we supervise, our family members and friends living in our home countries, colleagues, those who serve alongside us sent by other sending agencies, the people whom God us called us to reach and serve, and worst of all (especially for me), expectations we have of ourselves. It can be exhausting living in the mind of a woman who serves in a hard places (I’d like a vacation from my brain, please!).

I have people in the US say to me ALL THE TIME, “I couldn’t do what you do.” Well, 21 years ago, I thought I COULD and was really gung-ho about my calling and the amazing things God was going to do through me. But, within the first few months (maybe the first few days!) on the field, I realized, “I can’t do this.” Like anything God calls us to do, it is only by His grace, the strength He gives, equipped with what we need for each day.

I am weak, faulty, self-conscious, even selfish. I am not naturally an obedient person. Really, I’m not. It has taken God more than 20 years to discipline me and mold me and I still have so far to go. I have physical ailments. I told a friend not long ago that when I was in my mid-30s I had some difficult female problems I was dealing with that made it difficult to even leave my house. She was stunned. She said that it had never really dawned on her that missionaries had these kinds of issues, too. We do. I have colleagues who have suffered through severe migraines, years of infertility, had miscarriages, cancer, heart disease, diabetes, chronic pain, etc. We deal with emotional struggles, too. Loneliness, betrayal of friends and colleagues, wayward children, grief, separation from loved ones (including their own children), disappointment, feelings of inadequacy, frustration, and even disgust are all things I and my sisters who serve encounter. All of these struggles and more, we deal with while living in a hard place, without adequate immediate support.

Another thing that maybe sending churches and individuals don’t realize that we struggle with is a great lack of spiritual encouragement and solid Bible teaching in our heart language. When we return to our passport country for what they call “deputation” or “home assignment,” we’re expected to put our best face forward, present our ministry and work in such a way that it tugs the hearts of those who listen and see, even lead prayer retreats so that others can benefit from our special nuggets of wisdom. Now, I’m not saying that I don’t enjoy doing those things. I DO! I love testifying how God has worked as well as the realities of the hard place we serve. I want people to become as passionate as I am about God’s love and purpose for my people. But, I also ache for Christian fellowship, hunger for Biblical instruction, and desire to just be loved by my fellow sisters in Christ.

I want to talk to you sisters living in the US, Canada, UK, and other countries where my sisters in service and I hail from, so that you can begin considering what we need and how you can help us to “keep on keepin’ on,” so to speak… especially if you’re one of those that says, “I couldn’t do what you do.”

1)      Consider the difficulties and trials we face, but focus on the love we need.

2)      Give us opportunities to be refreshed while we are on home assignment, physically, emotionally and spiritually.

Examples:

a.       My husband’s aunt paid my way so that I could join her and ladies from her church attending a Priscilla Shirer conference. This met my need for fellowship, Biblical nourishment, corporate worship in my heart language and even fun! There are women on home assignment that would really like to participate in these kinds of things, but they might not be able to afford them, or the pull of what’s expected of them makes them choose not to attend. You paying their way or helping them go might help them make the decision to join in.

b.      Years ago, my sister paid for me to get three services at a salon (of my choice). I got a haircut, pedicure, and facial, and felt so good walking out of that salon!

3)      Invite us out for coffee, lunch, a ladies’ fellowship, game night, etc. so that we can have fun without other expectations put on us.

4)      Ask us to tell our story, and listen without judgment. Give us an opportunity to be ourselves.

5)      While we’re “on the field,” write to us- via email, snail mail, facebook message, etc.- and ask how things are going. Also, tell what’s going on in your life, too! We like to hear what your life is like just as much (if not more) than you want to know what’s going on in ours.

6)      Call us, Skype us, FaceTime us! We love to hear your voice and see your face, because we miss you. And, we get lonely. Seeing and/or hearing you may be just the thing that boosts our spirits.

7)      Love our kids that are in the same country as you. There are days when I’m just fine and confident that my young adult kids are just fine. But, I miss them, love them, and pray for them every day. When I find out that someone has gone to visit one of them, had them over for a home-cooked meal, or sent them a care package, it blesses my heart SO MUCH. I have literally cried when I found out that someone has loved on one of my kids in the US.

8)      Know that just as you want to serve and love on us, we also want to do the same for you. God created us to live in fellowship with one another. This is a two-way thing. Joy literally wells up inside me when I can encourage another sister (wherever she lives) in her walk with the Lord.

I’m sure I could think of more ways you can minister to women who serve overseas. If you are a sister who serves, or someone who ministers to sisters who serve, please share in the comment section below.

Ultimately, it's all about loving each other as we each live out God's calling, isn't it? I want to help you move forward and you want to help me. That's just what sisters are supposed to do.