Marriage: Just Saying Yes

Next month, my husband and I will celebrate 28 years of marriage. In August, it will be 30 years since I said, “Yeah, I’ll go out with you!” As my children become young adults and start thinking about their partners for life, I’ve been thinking about that period of my life. It’s really weird to think that two of my kids are older than I was when I said, “Yes, I’ll marry you!” and cried and kissed the man I agreed to be my life partner. I also have tried to listen and give counsel to young people who have asked me “the secret” to a long marriage. I will be the first to say, “I am not the one to ask, because I stink at it!” I would compare my ability to be a good wife and stay happily married to my ability to be a good missionary and stay on the field: you have to be willing to be broken over and over again and hang tightly to obeying God’s call. In a word: SAY YES to HIM.

Have I wanted to pack my bags and get on the plane to leave this place? Oh yeah! I can’t even count the number of times… both the marriage and the field, at different times. It is hard to be married to someone very different from yourself that, as I heard a renowned marriage “expert” say, steps on your “air hose,” or seems to stifle that which you need so desperately. And, it goes both ways! I am self-centered, impatient and can speak angry, spiteful words without thoughtfully considering the impact of those words. He is analytical and takes PAINFULLY long to decide what to say OR talks all around a subject before he gets to the point. Those personality types, let me tell you- rub each other the wrong way. (I could tell you all the ways that we’re different, but I won’t bore you! =D)

In the same way, I am not designed for this calling. I am an extrovert and need lots of verbal affirmation. We are the only Americans in the region and my supervisor lives in another country. WHAT?! I don’t like to be hot and dirty, enjoy creature comforts, and God called me to serve in West Africa. Huh?! But, though I don’t “feel” like I’m made for this marriage, or this calling to serve in West Africa, God is the One who is sanctifying me to make me what He’s calling me to be. But, sanctification takes my participation. It takes my deciding to be obedient day after day, moment by moment. And you know what? In the process, I’ve grown to love my husband more deeply as well as the people I’m serving, the more I surrender to the Lord and am obedient to His call. My loving Father has called me to live with this man ‘til death do us part and this Christian life (wherever He leads) until I see Him face to face.

Is obedience easy? Absolutely not! It is stinkin’ hard! God doesn’t call us to easy. He calls us to do things that are beyond ourselves. But the great thing is, when we surrender ourselves to God, He gives what we need to do and be what He desires in us. And there's an added bonus: He gives joy in the process. My husband still can make me laugh, like he did when we were dating. He knows me better than anyone else and because of that knows when I need extra care, so he is the first one to tell me to pull back and rest, then he’ll care for me. He expresses appreciation for who I am and how God works in and through me. And THAT fulfills my need for affirmation. As for my people here, God has helped me to express myself in the language and build deeper relationships with people in the process. I get to see how He’s working in their hearts through conversations and behavior. There are days when God rewards me with sweet moments, reminding me why I’m here… both in my calling to marriage to this strong-willed man and missions in this hard place.

I am not the same person I was nearly 29 years ago when I said “YES” to marrying him, nor am I the same person when I said “YES” 22 years ago to join my FIRST LOVE, Jesus, in the work He wanted to do in West Africa. I can’t say that I won’t have low days again. I know that I’m human and faulty. But, I can look back, with thankfulness, that despite all the rough spots, the losses and griefs, I would do it all over again. I would say YES.