Stayin' Alive

Uh, uh, uh, uh stayin’ alive, stayin’ alive

Un, uh, uh, uh…(bump)

 uh, uh, uh, uh…(bump)

uh, uh, uh, uh…(bump)

“Ugh, I have to move the needle AGAIN!”

I stop what I’m doing and stomp over to the record player to move the needle slightly, past the scratch in the record, so that it can continue the song. “…stayin’ alive, stayin’ alive! Uh, uh, uh, uh, stayin’ ALIIIVE!”

This is probably aging me, but I remember playing that record when I was about 12 years old over and over again so that it got scratched in certain places and would hit the scratch and repeat over and over until I physically had to go over to the player and move the needle. It got to where I stopped playing it altogether, ‘cause it just got annoying. Of course, then as I got into my teen years, I had a “Boom Box” and cassettes (that also got worn out) to play my favorite music non-stop. Technology in media has come a long way since then and we can have access to millions of songs at all times now, with crystal clear sound and no skipping. Oh, the good new days!

I have no idea what happened to that old record, that had John Travolta on a colorfully lighted dance floor, pointing to the sky. I got rid of it years ago, as my taste in music changed and the jumps that made me have to get up and adjust the player caused me to just lose interest.

Lately, I’ve been feeling like a discarded old record. I know it’s a lie from the enemy, but it’s been wearing me down. A record that plays music that brings you joy, you’ll pick up and play over and over again. But, a record that has music you no longer enjoy, will get set aside to collect dust. At one time, I may not have NEEDED the record, but I fully enjoyed it. As a person, I want to be needed, even enjoyed by others. But, being far away from so many people, who have many other people to enjoy, to need and feel needed, I feel like I begin to collect dust. I feel like my messages to them are like an annoying repetitive record, because I need them so much more than they seem to need me.

Eventually, I just want to give up. If I share my heart, and it’s raw, but badly received, I want to hide the rawness and be shallow in conversation, tucking away the ugly parts. But, that’s not the basis of a deep relationship. And, it would never satisfy the longing in my heart for true friendship.

Being where I am, in the work that I do, I have to constantly be reminded of my calling and relationship with the loving God who called me here. Honestly, there are dark times when I doubt His love for me and wonder if He’s got it out for me. But, I make a conscious effort to stay connected to the Lord through Bible study, prayer, and, if I know there’s a caring sister in Christ that will listen and speak Truth, I reach out. The onslaught of the enemy’s deception is constant, “She doesn’t care. She’s too busy. You’re not good enough. They don’t need you. You’re all alone. They’ve forgotten about you. If you stopped posting, they probably would not even think about you.”

That last one is a true confession. I try to keep posting on social media with the hopes that people won’t forget me. “I’m here!” and putting up as many encouraging words as I can, so that I am relevant to others.

If there is anything I’ve learned from living here, it’s that I need the Lord so much more than He needs me. He is Almighty God, the Creator and Sustainer of everything, Holy and without equal. But, even though He doesn’t NEED me, He cherishes me. He loves me passionately and graciously. He sees my hurts, my ugly parts, and knows my fears. The Lord is always faithful to me, even when He sees me being unfaithful to Him (and allowing the enemy to wreak havoc in my thought life is a sign of that unfaithfulness). My cries to Him are always heard. My confession of the same sin over and over again is always forgiven. And, when I pray to Him, pouring out everything, He wants to lavish me with His tender love.

One of my favorite passages about prayer is one I read again this week:

Ask, and it will be given to you. Seek, and you will find. Knock, and the door will be opened to you. ⁸ For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. ⁹ Who among you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? ¹⁰ Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? ¹¹ If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good things to those who ask him.

Matthew 7:7-11 CSB

I am never a broken record to the Lord. My repetitive cries for help and confession of sin never cause Him to shut the door in my face. I love my kids so much that it hurts sometimes, and they know that anytime they need us, they can call and we will answer and do all we can to make things better and remind them we love them. This passage tells me that my Heavenly Father is SO MUCH MORE than that for me. I fail as a parent and maybe technology will keep my kids from reaching me the moment they need me, but my connection to Him is lovingly perfect and inseparable. I don’t think I would ever have learned that lesson, had the Lord not called me here, separated from so many that I love. Yes, I need friendship with people, but I could not live without my friendship with Him. I need Him so, so much more.

I sang along with one of my favorite songs, “Stayin’ Alive” more than 3 decades ago. Now, I can sing with confidence, a new song that I’ve learned through hardship and deep loneliness to be true, “It’s all because of Jesus I’m alive!” And, that is a truth that will never collect dust.