You Are Not Alone

As I face my personal struggles, I’ve reached out to many that I care about who are going through trials of their own. I could dump out a whole bucket-full for you, but I’ll just limit it to a few:

I recently sent my two older children to the US for college and in a few weeks I’ll move my younger two into a dorm in a boarding school about 90kms (55 miles) away from us, and come home to an “empty nest.” We came to the field with a toddler 20 years ago and since then, I’ve always tried to balance my time and efforts of the roles of mom and missionary. Now, of course, I’m still a mom and will remain in constant contact with my four children, but I won’t be able to see those subtle mood changes in their faces and voices so that I can ask, “Hey, what’s up?” I won’t be able to sit on their beds and listen to their dreams and heartaches… for that matter, even as they’ve gotten older, I’ve always loved looking in on them while they’re sleeping. I won’t be able to do that either… at least on a regular basis (we still have school breaks with the younger two, thank you, God!). As I type this, I have tears running down my cheeks. Of all the ways God has called me in my lifetime, the role of mom has been one of the most rewarding and challenging. I know that the rewards and challenges are still there, but the way it works is changing.

As we’ve gone through various parenting struggles on the field, we’ve also faced judgment from those that don’t understand. This adds on top of the heartache. Judgment that we’ve chosen homeschooling (isolating our children)… judgment when we’ve chosen boarding school (giving up our parenting responsibilities)…judgment when we’ve chosen online school (they’re on the computer all day)… and from the very beginning of our missionary career until now- judgment that we would “drag” our kids to a foreign land and all that that entails.

All of you face trials every day, in parenting, in work, in your marriage, in other relationships, just in life! And, having been on the other end of that pointing finger, I want to tell you, I am not here to judge you, but to support you! I don’t understand everything, and I don’t have to. All I know is that Jesus said, “Love one another as I have loved you.” (John 13:34) I am certainly not perfect in this… Jesus’ Spirit is still working on me, but I will, by His Spirit, do the best I can!

One thing that we do is compare our struggles- mine is worse than yours. Missionaries are AWESOME at this ;-). I have to confess that in moments of weakness, I, myself, have proclaimed how much more awful my situation is in comparison to others. If you have suffered heartache because of my struggle-comparing- I AM SO, SO SORRY! I later regretted what I said, because the small, sweet prodding of the Holy Spirit came back and told me how unloving that was.

Can we just remove the wrappings of judgment and comparison onto our words of “encouragement” and just love? When encouragement is wrapped up in those things, it just makes it hard to take…. It really is no encouragement at all. Like homemade chocolates duct-taped into a dirty plastic bag, we just want to throw it away. Think before you speak. We’ve all seen that saying:

Jesus chose His words so well. And, His speaking in love meant that He also held people accountable for sin. I bring in this point because sometimes a person’s struggles is as a direct result of their sin. But, if you’re going to confront a loved one in the midst of sin, PRAY. Pray that Jesus’ words would come out, and not yours. How did He deal with the woman caught in adultery? After protecting her from the judgment of others, and reaching out to her in love, as far as we know, He only said two sentences. The clincher was, “Go, and sin no more.”

If you are struggling right now, please reach out. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I understand trust issues. I’ve been hurt by people I trust and know what it feels like to have to learn to trust again. Pray that the Lord would bring a person into your life that you can confide in. Your first confidence should always be the Lord. Trust in Him is never misplaced. He is totally trustworthy. Also, if you are in a lull or even a good place in your life right now, pray that the Lord would work in your heart to make you a good encourager. Then, ask that He would bring someone into your life that you can encourage. Allow Him to give comfort through you. It is the most wonderfully amazing thing when He does that.