Writing in My Planner- In INK

I think I’ve told you before that I’m a planner. I’m Type A… borderline OCD. I like to know what’s gonna happen when and get the logistics in order so that everybody has what they need (and knows their part). Like my friend, Debbie said today with a half smirk on her face, “I don’t like surprises.” This is not the best time in history to be this way!

I have a giant 4 month calendar white board given me by a friend, which I LOVE. For years, I depended on either ready-printed calendars or ones I created on my computer and printed off myself, as well as a paper planner I carried around to jot down times and details of upcoming events. The white board planner was for the benefit of my dear husband (who is NOT a detail-oriented person… that’s another story!) and children. I have even color-coded my calendars according to level of importance and to whom the recorded event pertained. Yes, I have a problem.

A few months ago, I created a blog post about how the Lord gave me a grace-gift just days after we arrived in the states over 6 months ago. A calendar with a cover that read, “Be still and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10. (You can read the blog post about it here: http://thoughtsfromtheshadyhut.blogspot.com/2019/10/a-timely-grace-gift.html) It has been a very rocky 6 months since I bought that calendar. I had no idea then, that my life was going to change even more drastically in heart-wrenching ways. We have resigned from 23 years of service in West Africa. Our first grandchild was born. And now, there is a pandemic that has rocked the entire world. Those things literally happened within weeks of each other. WHAT?!

Believe it or not, I did not throw out that planner! But, I am getting used to using white out tape! (what an invention!) After our beautiful grandchild was born, we made our travel arrangements to return to West Africa to sort through, give away, and pack up a lifetime’s worth of belongings, say very difficult goodbyes, and put our farm project and ministry in the hands of others. We scheduled my husband’s flight to go first, about a week and a half before my flight, so that he’d have some time to get things in order before I got there. It seemed like right after he left on March 10, the world fell apart. Less than a week later, we made the decision, for our family, to cancel my flight, with hopes that ONE DAY in the future, I’d be able to make the trip to have closure, myself. Just days after that, and before my scheduled flight, the government of our host country suspended all flights in and out of the country for a month, which was weeks beyond my husband’s scheduled return date. Again, WHAT?! Please refer to paragraph 1, “I DON’T LIKE SURPRISES!”

After saying a tearful goodbye to my husband who had just broken the news to me, collecting myself and throwing cold water on my face, I took a deep breath and called the travel agent. By God’s grace, I was able to schedule a direct flight for my husband to return just days after the airport is supposed to reopen, direct to the US, not traveling through Europe, which is, as you know, kind of a mess right now with this virus.

It has been 6 days since I scheduled that flight. In the past, when I’ve made travel plans, they immediately get written in my planner and on the family calendar on the wall. But, this time, I didn’t do that. I just let that confirmed reservation simmer for awhile in my inbox. Each time I went to check my email, there was a gentle nudge in my brain to record the itinerary on my calendar, and each time, I pushed it away. But, today, after some encouraging words from dear sisters, I finally did it. I wrote out the detailed itinerary in my calendar.

I picked up the tan leather planner, unzipped it, and slowly thumbed through the pages until I found the week of the scheduled trip. My heart was still telling me “NO, WAIT!” but my head was arguing, “It just has to be done.” When I found the page, the verse on the top of the page made my heart skip a beat.

“Fear of the Lord is the foundation of true wisdom.

All who obey His commandments

Will grow in wisdom.”

Psalm 111:10

I’d been fearing the “what ifs” and the disappointment of my plans being changed all over again… that the suspension on international flights would be extended…. that there’d be a travel ban keeping my husband away… even- oh Lord forbid- that he would get sick with the virus and I couldn’t care for him. But, I need to make a choice to fear the Lord, to honor and obey Him.

Writing the details of my husband’s flight in my planner – in INK, no less- was an act of faith on my part. I don’t know for sure that it’s going to happen or that I’m going to get another call or see another news update that our plans have changed again, altogether. Another sister shared this scripture with me today, and I needed that, too:

“Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, and spend a year there and engage in business and make a profit.” Yet you do not know what you life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away. Instead, you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and also do this or that.” 

James 4:13-15 NASB

This isn’t fatalistic, as some might think. It’s making your plans, then not getting all bent out of shape when a worldwide pandemic or something even less life-altering happens. It’s taking a deep breath and saying, “Ok, well, that wasn’t His will. Let’s move on, trusting that He has got us still safely in His care.”

I have no idea what tomorrow holds. I sure like to write events in my calendar, but I don’t know that they will actually happen. What I do know is that my Father who loves us all can be trusted to provide all-sufficient grace, no matter what lies ahead. Not trusting in Him, not fearing Him, is being disobedient to His Word. And, even stronger than my desire to control and plan is my desire to be obedient to my Savior who loves me. Wisdom comes from fearing Him and obeying Him, because I know that my Eternal, Almighty God has plans and purposes that are completely unaffected by viruses, job losses, and airport closures. I am far from having the full measure of wisdom I need to live this life, but through the many times God has caused me to scratch out and white out my plans, He has also proven Himself faithful. Knowing HE'S GOT THIS is the greatest wisdom there is.